When you travel to France, one thing is certain, you'll have to use the restroom. Now how to politely ask where the toilets are is a delicate thing in French. Now that you've mastered the toilet related vocabulary, and the strange double flush tank, you are ready for your next challenge: using (and surviving) "Les toilettes publiques"!

In a small (or huge) town, using "les W.C" of a restaurant or a café should not be a problem. Just ask "où sont les toilettes s'il vous plaît", and you should be fine. But unless you are a patron, in many very touristic areas, you'll have to use the public restrooms - it may be worth buying "un café" even if you don't drink it so you can use the coffee's bathroom…

Some very old fashion public restrooms or very old fashion restaurant will have what we used to call "une dame pipi" (lit. 'a pee lady'… not very PC but that's how they are called, I really don't know any other name for that job, I actually even asked one who told me herself that was the only name she knew for her job until someone else told her she was called "agent d'entretien"- maintenance officer…) This person cleans and takes care of the place. You should leave her a tip (50 centimes or one Euro), it's customary.

"Les Urinoirs"(urinals) are still very common, and not so discreet in France. It's not uncommon in a public restroom to have a urinals section facing the closed toilets, so that when you enter/exit the restroom you will pass in front of peeing men… How nice…

More modern public restrooms will be some sort of a cabin (called " une sanisette") which opens up when you place a coin (they are free in Paris since 2006… and more or less dirty…and always lacking toilet paper, so plan on bringing tissues). The instructions are pretty clear, there are usually drawings etc… However, a Skype student of mine had an interesting story with one of these. He had to pay 1 Euro to get in. So, after he did his business, as he left and the door opened, he let his spouse in. And she got… a free shower! Some of these cabins get fully rinsed after each use, from top to bottom. So pay the extra 1 Euro…

And yes, it is still very true, many public restrooms (rarely in cities, but still frequently on the highway restrooms) are what we call "des toilettes à la turque", no seat but a hole. I hate these, as I'm pretty sure every other woman does. So basically, there is a hole, and two rectangles to place your feet supposedly out of the pee route. Face the door if you want to limit the damages. No, French women don't have a secret about using these. We are all created equal when it comes to using these awful devices.

Last thing… The French are not really shy when it comes to peeing "al fresco" - outside! If you drive around France, you may sometimes see some car stopped on the side of the road, with a guy facing the fields and relieving himself… Well, at least he is not facing the road… Nothing shocking here for the French, it's only human nature!

How to Ask Where the Restroom Is in French, Without Making a Faux Pas

Ah la la, this is always a difficult question. Because on top of possibly sounding impolite in French, you could also end up sounding totally ridiculous.

If you want to ask, "Where is the bathroom," and you go for a literal translation, you'd ask, "Où est la salle de bains"? The problem is la salle de bains is the room where the bath or shower is. Often the toilet is in a separate room. Imagine the puzzled look on your French hosts when they try to figure out why on earth you want to take a shower in their home.

Ideally, if things are done properly, your hosts should have discreetly pointed out the bathroom after they took your coat and guided you into the house.

But if that didn't happen, the correct question would be, "Où sont les toilettes, s’il te plaît?" if you are saying tu to your host. Note that the term les toilettes referring to the bathroom is always plural. You may also use the word les cabinets. If you do, you'd say, "Où sont les cabinets, s'il te plaît," but it's a bit old-fashioned.

If the evening is super formal, you may say something like, "Où puis-je me rafraîchir?" (Where may I freshen up?), but talking like that is quite snobbish. And anyway, everybody knows where you're going and what you'll be doing once you get there.

Also remember that we never say, “Take your time” in this kind of situation, which always makes me laugh. 

At a Dinner Party, Be Discreet

If you've gone to this house for a dinner party, keep in mind that you are not supposed to leave the dinner table…and dinner may last for hours. If you absolutely have to use the bathroom, time your exit well, for example, not just before a new course is brought in. It could be at the end of a course, since the French don't remove the empty plates right away; just leave the table as discreetly as you can. You may say a soft, “Veuillez m’excuser” ("Please excuse me"), but it's not at all necessary. And by all means, don’t say where you're going: Everybody knows.

At a Restaurant or Café, Be Polite and Use 'Vous'

If you're in a restaurant or a café, it's the same question. You will, of course, be using vous: Où sont les toilettes, s'il vous plaît? In big cities, you often need to be a customer to use the restroom. Honestly, I've never had a problem with this.

If it's a big Parisian café with a terrace, I doubt they know the face of all their customers, so I walk in, look for the signs, and just go in. If it's a smaller place, I smile a lot and politely say: '"Excusez moi. Je suis vraiment désolée, mais est-ce que je peux utiliser vos toilettes, s'il vous plaît?" Only in a very touristic place would you have a problem. Then, either order and pay for a coffee at the bar (even if you don't drink it), or go to the nearest public toilets.

To navigate the niceties of French toilets, you'll need truly useful toilet vocabulary, and you'll need to learn how French toilets work. For instance, do you know what those weird buttons are on a French toilet? And make sure you learn all you can about using a public toilet in France to avoid a nasty surprise!

French poem

Vous qui venez ici dans une humble posture,
Débarrasser vos flancs d'un importun fardeau,
Veuillez, quand vous aurez soulagé la nature
Et déposé dans l'urne un modeste cadeau,
Épancher dans l'amphore un courant d'onde pure,
Puis, sur l'autel fumant, placer pour chapiteau
Le couvercle arrondi dont l'auguste jointure
Aux parfums indiscrets doit servir de tombeau.

Maurice Sand.